as usual i'm awake too late. to get 'socialization' tomorrow i need to be up at 5:30. if i try to sleep before i'm exhausted or medicated i just lie in bed thinking. just now it was she would have dragged me to death, dragged me to death, dragged me to death. maybe at some point my backpack strap would have broken and my legs would have flown out into traffic, maybe after my torso and stomach and face had been ground into hamburger so thin it would have fried to the pavement before anyone would notice the trail. Maybe nobody would have found me until she parked the bus, until she slowed down long enough for someone to notice the blood and mangled flesh behind her. i see it. there were no brakes, she wasn't slowing down. she would have dragged me to death. dragged me to death. dragged me to death. i can't sleep, and tomorrow if i'm too tired to get up and socialize i am afraid that like most days, i will feel inadequate. Heartburn, sharp pain in my stomach. This new life, watching my phantom of the opera hand type. I'm going to find pepto, maybe sit outside with my plants for a while.